If Schitt’s Creek Characters Wrote and Responded to Local Business Reviews

If you’re like us here at Chatmeter, you’ve probably binged a lot of shows this past year. One of the shows we were sad to see end this year is Schitt’s Creek. The characters of Schitt’s Creek not only provided us with hilarious comedic relief, but they also taught us a thing or two about owning a business. This got us thinking, how would Schitt’s Creek characters respond to online reviews?

Here’s a look at our best interpretations of how these beloved characters would write and respond to online reviews.

Rosebud Motel Reviews

Review by John L.

5-Stars

“This place has really improved since my last stay here! The roof no longer leaks and the rooms are sparkling clean. The complimentary cinnamon buns in the lobby is a nice touch too.”

Response from Johnny Rose

“Thank you so much for leaving a review. Under new ownership, we’ve made a lot of improvements in the past few months. This includes our customer service. You may remember Rose Video? The same management is now running the Rosebud Motel Group. Enjoy your stay at any of our 2 locations and counting.”

Review by David R.

3-Stars

“The Rosebud motel is… fine. The closet space is a little small and they don’t even have a business center. However, the location is fantastic so close to the town center and local artisanal shops. I’m OBSESSED with Rose Apothecary and their curated selection of hand-made goods.”

Response from Stevie B.

“Hi David (if that’s your real name), I remember your stay with us. You must have missed the business center it’s right next to the Hammam spa located on the south side of the motel campus. I too love how closely located we are to Rose Apothecary. So close, in fact, you can smell the desperation wafting from their front door due to the lack of customers. Thanks again for your stay!”

Response from Alexis R.

“Ew David! Did you really just leave a review for Dad’s hotel? You know he’s going to ask me to leave a review now too right? Ugh!”

Review by Stacy J.

2-Stars

“This is a quaint little hotel in an oddly named town. My 2-night stay was fine — the Elmdale hotels were all booked up for the weekend. I gave two stars because the janitor was persistent in checking if my TV worked or not. I had to ask this man with a dreadful mullet haircut to leave several times. What an odd man?”

Response from Roland S.

“Ma’am you’re lucky I checked your TV, you were missing all the great channels like 2 and 6. I’m sure you noticed the change after I climbed onto the roof and adjusted the antenna. Your neighbor didn’t seem to realize I had solved the TV problem when I fell through their ceiling. On another note, room 103 will have a skylight near the end of the week if you want to stay in that room on your next visit.

Also, I’m the mayor of Schitt’s Creek and a partner in the Rosebud Motel Group, not a janitor.”

Rose Apothecary Reviews

Review by Jocelyn S.

5-Stars

“I just love what David and Patrick have done with the old General Store. Rose Apothecary is so fun! They have the cutest little trinkets and gifts. Now it’s a little pricey and I’m not sure how to use all these lotions and serums, but they sure do smell good!”

Response from David R.

“Jocelyn, thank you for your lovely review. I want to remind you that we do not sell “trinkets” but hand-selected artisanal goods. Rose Apothecary is a branded immersive experience that sells skincare items, coffee, tea, produce, and handmade crafts from local vendors.”

Review by Bob C.

3-Stars 

“Hi, Roland told me about this hand cream you sell and after I purchased it I realized it was actually foot cream. I put it on my hands and face and now I’m worried that it may give me athlete’s foot on my face. What should I do?”

Response from Patrick B.

“Hi Bob, thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review. As we have told Roland repeatedly, the foot cream is for your feet. However, it’s completely harmless if you use it on other parts of your body. And no, it will not give you athlete’s foot. You should seek medical attention if you feel any burning sensations or are concerned about unrelated symptoms. Thank you again for your review, we hope you visit again soon.”

Cafe Tropical Reviews

Review by Moira R.

4-Stars

“This establishment is the best, NAY THE ONLY place to hold meetings with the press, film producers, or dare I say… the public. The food is nothing to write home about but the wifi puts on a tremendous effort and is sufficient enough to create a living stream with your hashtag friends. Not to mention, I do relish in the occasional conversation with that Twyla.”

Response from Twyla S.

“Moira, thank you so much for your kind words. I too enjoy your conversation. I look forward to seeing your family each and every day. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow!”